I've always been the type of person who's good at giving advice, or making people feel better. Perfect example:

Just mere minutes ago I was trekking back to my dorm room from a long night of playing softball, when I noticed my favorite neighbor in the study room right outside my door. I poked my head in to say hi because he's the sweetest kid ever. And I've had a crush on him for a while, so kill me. But as soon as I walked in it was evident he wasn't his usual self, and had been replaced with a version of him who was sad, quiet, and reserved. He said I wouldn't be able to make him feel better but I knew I could. I brought out my Toy Story stickers and coloring book and it was exactly what he needed. It took his mind off of his current situation, and that's all I could hope to do: make his bad day just a little brighter.

So while I may be anyone else's "go-to" gal for a little pick me up, or to vent to, or to get things rolling with that boy they've had an eye on, I don't have that myself. I'd rather put myself before others. It doesn't mean I'm selfless, it just means I have a heart and care. I'd spend my time trying to make Michael happy instead of studying for my calculus exam in a few days which is the deciding factor on whether or not I'll still be a college girl next year. In a way, it makes me a total push-over because I have a hard time saying no, but I'd rather be a push-over than that person who will put their own selfish needs before a friend.

And that's why I miss home so much. My dad and I argue on almost everything from my living arrangements to next year, to my nose ring, to how I spend money, to my study habits. But the fact of the matter is that he's my dad, and my best friend. He's my rock and  the one that I can rely on to put aside his own opinions and just help me and support me in all that I do. But he's not here right now, and I find that it's hard to reassure myself that I am capable of doing well on this exam so that I can stay here. All I want is to be able to cry to my dad about this petty problem and have him act as though it's worse than a zombie apocalypse and just hold me and tell me it's all going to be okay and he has faith in me. People tell you college is hard, but they don't tell you how emotionally draining it can be.

I think it's maybe why I do this blog. Because sometimes it all just becomes too much to bear, and no one here really seems to care about all the little things like this. I know anyone else would look at me like I'm crazy for crying over something that hasn't even happened yet, but sometimes that's just what it takes: crying and letting it all out, then regrouping and tackling the issue. I don't cry necessarily because I'm sad, but because I'm hung up on something and that's the only sure fire way I know to release my insecurities and move on with my life.

I want a friend to me like I am to them, like my dad is to me. That will know me well enough to know that all it takes is a second to show that you care to assure me that I'm going to be okay, and then it all really will be okay.